please standby
by ctrl aika
Summary: Its simple when the bastard likes somebody, it becomes worldwide news. "... We thought he was gay..." SasuSaku
1. error processing

**title **please standby .

**author **aika

**standard disclaimer applied**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**summary** Its simple when the bastard likes somebody, it becomes worldwide news. "We thought he was gay."

**.**

**.**

**.**

01. **Uzumaki Naruto . ****←"**嘘！すべては嘘！。でもーそれはいいじゃん！！サクラちゃん！！！！！！！！"

I gaped . Really, honestly, I did. All I could do was gape, usually I'd have something really super awesomely smart and not to mention sarcastic to say, slash, and or, respond. Oh, but this time,

Bitch no.

I gaped at my best friend, also known as, the bastard, as he glared me right in the eye. Usually, I'd be shitting my pants now, but right now,

Bitch no.

"Dobe, stop gaping flies are gonna fly into your mouth."

I left my mouth open

hanging

hanging

Bitch no.

"Teme, you like somebody?"

He glared at me again and with a sigh he responded

"Yes. Yes I do."

Bitch no.

"Who?"

His eyes started to shift away as his eyes turned to a girl sitting across the classroom.

Oh

My

Gosh

Bitch no.

.

.

.

FINALLY

"DUDE, FINALLY. OH MY FUCKING GOSH, ITS BEEN LIKE 2 WEEKS AND YOU FINALLY NO-

"Uzumaki, do you have anything to say?" I paused in mid-sentence and glared at Kakashisensei

"WHY YES. AS A MATTER OF FACT I D-mafsjsfgsjsgsUCHI-AGSFSHSGSJGSSLIKES-AGSFSJSJ"

_sfx: punch_

Ouch.

By this time, the entire class was looking at me on the ground.

Oh my gosh.

.

.

.

**HE ISN'T GAY!**

02. **Hyuuga Neji **←"・・・マジで・・・？"

I am a calm man. I am a very calm man. Usually when big news happen, I am the only one who is calm, collected and did I mention calm? Yes. I am, destiny has made me into this calm man, and I am most certain if I were any calmer, I'd be dead.

No, that was a joke.

I don't tell jokes, please don't be stupid.

But no. I am not calm right now. I am a tad bit shocked at the moment.

Shocked.

What a word indeed.

"HE'SN-AFSGHSFHSGS"

Blocking out his loud obnoxious obviously covered and subtitled in orange words and annoying voice, I tried to calm myself.

"Stop talking Uzumaki, it'll do everyone some good." I hear Shikamaru say as he tries to sink in the newly added information.

News like this just doesn't happen everyday.

Yes.

It doesn't.

The term 'gay' gets thrown about a tad bit too often, and I was quite certain even at a young age of 5 that Uchiha Sasuke, also known as, the bastard just thought of a little add on there, no I wasn't trying to be funny, please, once again don't be stupid.

But yes, we always thought that our dear childhood friend was indeed,

Gay.

We respect that, we are fine with that, we are, after all childhood friends.

But him being not gay,

My now, that, is a surprise.

.

.

.

**What the fuck.**

03. **Yamanaka Ino **←"あのーうちは？サスケくんでしょう？マジかよ？はぁはぁ、ナルーおいーマジで？チャンスだ！えぇー？！サクラ、あの新しい転校生？嘘！嘘！やだよおおお！！！サスケくん！！もう！シカくん！！"

"WELL FOR YOUR INFORMATION SHIKAMARU THIS IS BIG ASS NEWS. ITS LIKE THE END OF THE FUCKING WORLD WAR 3 MAN. THIS IS BIG SHIT ASS NEWS!" Naruto yelled as he began stressing the fact that once again, Sasuke wasn't gay.

I always knew he wasn't gay, he was just to god damn sexy to be gay.

I mean look at him!

and those muscles'

.

.

.

Hot damn.

.

.

.

I'm pretty sure, he's been working out for women and not for men.

I mean come on, look at him.

But he isn't gay.

So us being able to discover this must have led from the fact that Naruto has indeed found out who he likes.

Oh wow that sounded logical.

But the point is,

is no, its not that he's not gay.

Oh honey no.

Its the fact that he's fallen in love or like whichever its still on the same level

the point is,

IS THAT ITS NOT ME

I MEAN COME ON, I'm blonde, pretty, blonde and pretty. ugh, what's not to like about me?

GOSH.

its that new transfer student.

pink.

HER HAIR IS PINK.

NOT BLONDE.

"…"

and she's not even pretty.

ugh.

Well, I guess she's okay.

"…"

I mean Hinata's friends with her.

Hey wait a minute I haven't seen Hinata in a week.

.

.

.

**Ugh. **

04. **Hyuuga Hinata** ←"えぇー？サスケくんは・・・？"

I've known Sasuke since we were younger, despite being the same age, I wouldn't really consider us, good friends. In fact, we were more of.. , kind of friend. Other than that, we're pretty much..

Nothing.

Still though, we knew each other. I consider him as like.. a not that close friend, but its all good.

I don't say much in real life but I have lots of thoughts.

Yes, I do.

But to know Sasuke isn't gay.

Oh my.

It was kind of surprising.

I guess.

I mean, I wasn't that in keen with Sasukekun's sexuality. To be honest, I don't really care.

But he liked Sakurachan!

Which made it an even more bigger surprise!

I'm so happy for Sasuke and Sakura!

But really..

How on earth is Sasukekun going to ask Sakurachan out?

As far as I know.. Sasukekun doesn't have any experience with talking to girls.

Other than his mom.

Mikotosan!

But i guess she doesn't count.

**Oh my.**

**This could be a problem.**

05. **Nara Shikamaru **←"って・・おいーマジかよ？サスケは・・・？あのー、サクラ？！マジ、マジ。あぁーもちろんこれ・・・めんどくさい"

Calculative.

Yes.

I'm very calculative.

Smart.

Yes. I'm definitely that too, including lazy.

I'm not afraid to admit.

In fact, I'm proud of it.

I'm calculative, I'm smart and I am never wrong.

Let me repeat myself, NEVER WRONG.

So when Naruto decided to bombard us with this big troublesome news by running into the parking lot to Neji's hummer where we were all relaxing at the back of for lunch with the words Sasuke not gay in it along with liking -insert name here-, trust me, we were all shocked.

jaws dropped, food dropped (into Neji's car by the way, heh asshole thats what you get for spilling your freaking coke on my leather seats assfuck.) and well, Ino screamed, trust me, we were all dead shock.

and you know what.

I WAS WRONG.

HAH, who knew? Troublesome as it is, who knew the bastard wasn't gay? I mean, he's with the dope most of the time.

Then again, the fact that they enjoyed beating each other up until they both bled and they almost killed each other with a baseball bat should have been a complete fire sign.

Troublesome

Like I can't even stress the fact that

that.. aw fuck, god damnit...

**I WAS WRONG DAMNIT**

06. Inuzuka Kiba ←"マジかよ？！サスケ？あのやろう？！はぁはぁはぁはぁはぁーーおいーナルト、なんだよその顔？"

Shit happens.

I mean, shit happens everywhere.

Like everywhere.

To be very fucking honest with you

I always knew he wasn't gay.

.

.

.

Kay that was a lie.

I have no actual comment.

"…"

Asshole's gonna beat me to asking the new chick.

**This is just fanfuckingtastic.**

_**TBC**_


	2. recalculating

**title **please standby .

**author **aika

**standard disclaimer applied**

**.**

**.**

**.**

**summary** Its simple when the bastard likes somebody, it becomes worldwide news. "We thought he was gay."

**.**

**.**

**.**

01. **Uzumaki Naruto **←ＹＯＳＨ！手をかしてよ！

Sneaky. Yes, I am very sneaky.

Like a cat.

Sneaky cat.

or a fox.

… yeah one of those.

So I managed to sneak in my very handy trusty and not to mention ever so fucking lovely, GPS from my Porsche and stick it in the teme's Ferrari.

"…"

Aw ye.

I peered to the right of me where Sasuke is brooding while glaring at the road as if he could set it on fire.

I feel sorry for that road.

"_In two hundred meters, exit left_"

He's twitching alright.

"Dobe, why did you put this damn piece of shit into my car?"

I smirked proudly,

"Because the last time, dear teme, you got us lost on the way to Neji's new place."

Poor poor, misguided bastard.

"I don't need this fucking thing, make it shut up."

"One, no and two, watch your mouth because I have your mom on speed dial."

twitchtwitchtwitch

"_Keep right_"

"Piece of shit, I know how to get to my own damn house damnit."

Somebody woke up on the wrong side of the bed…

"…"

"_Keep right_"

"…"

"_At the roundabout, take second exit._"

"…."

"… Dobe"

Oh this is going to be fun..

"…."

"_In one point five kilometres take a right exit._"

"… Dobe…"

"_Speed limit is 90 kilometres per hour_"

"…"

"_Please slow down._"

"Yeah teme slow down."

"Fuck you."

"_Please slow down._"

"Shut the fuck up."

"…."

"_In two hundred and fifty meters, turn left._"

"…."

"…."

"….."

"_Recalculating._"

"Fuck my life."

I burst out laughing.

02.** Haruno Sakura** ←新しい学校？！もうやだよ！お父さん！！！

Boring.

This place is just,

Boring.

I sighed for maybe the sixth, fifth? I don't know I lost count. Tokyo, the happening city.

Everything is happening in this area.

HAPPENING.

Then why isn't my evening happening? I shift from my cellphone to the many other students who were taking the same train as me back to wherever home is.

So far.. I hadn't made any friends but Hinatachan. I'm grateful for meeting Hinatachan. She's extremely sweet and not to mention cute.

So cute.

I sighed again and stared at my cellphone looking at the automatic watch as it ticked by.

I don't even know why.

Otousan sent me here to continue my studies. So I currently live alone in a penthouse over at Roppongi. Otousan decided that I should expand my studies and take over the company like the good girl that I am.

I swear when he told me that, I almost burst out crying.

"…"

"Roppongi Hills, please be careful while entering or exiting the train."

Grabbing my bag and heading out I was greeted by the bright sun.

Maybe..

maybe, it isn't so bad here. I breathed in the fresh city air and walked down the escalator.

Hm.. I'm up for convenient store food tonight.

03. **Uchiha Sasuke **←なんてー

"TEME"

Why did the dobe have to stay over for the weekend..

"TEME!"

Oh yeah. Okaasan.

"TEME!"

I wonder what I should have for dinner.

"TEMETEME!"

.. hm there better be tomatoes left in the fridge.

"TEMETEMETEMETEME"

oh for fuck sake

"What?" I asked annoyed as I glared at Naruto who was sheepishly smiling at me.

"Well, you see teme, I kinda ate all of the ramen I brought over.. and since it was my dinner and I'd really rather prefer eating ramen from konb-

"No."

The damn dobe was going to ask me to buy food for him.

"WHY NOT?"

"Be-

"Yes, Sasuke why not?"

Oh god.

"Mikotosan! Okaeri!"

Okaasan.

Ugh.

Don't get me wrong, I love her but..

Ugh.

"Aww, Narutokun! Arigatou, Tadaima."

Okaasan turned to me and half glared, half smiled.

"Hn.. Okaasan okaeri." I said as I went over to hug her.

The glare disappeared.

I'm her favourite after all.

Heh.

"Anyway! Yes, Sasuke why aren't you going to help Naruto get his dinner? He's your best friend, you should know he only likes to eat ramen for dinner"

"…"

The dobe must be smiling his ass off.

… asshole

"Aa I get it, I get it. Come on idiot."

"Language!"

"…"

-insertuchihaglareatnarutohere-

04. **Uzumaki Naruto **←できたね！！！！！ｗｗ

Poor Sasuke.

Poor poor, misguided Sasuke.

Truly, truly misguided.

Heh, asshole knows he can't win against me when I'm tagteaming with his mom.

Heh.

Sneaky Uzumaki, Sneaky. You have really outdone yourself this time.

I turned to look at Sasuke who looked like he was ready to rip my head off and shove it back down my throat.

Best friend instincts.

I would know.

Heh.

"Dobe, I'm going to fucking kill you."

Heh.

"Haha, if you do who's going to come over and consult you over Sakurachan?"

Hehehehe.

"…"

"Dobe, you live two blocks down, I don't understand why can't you walk over to your own damn house instead of making me waste petrol on you and going to the convenient store which is all the way over at Roppongi Hills."

"I already ate all of my ramen at home. Sides' kaachan actually wants me to cut down. But lets face it, we all know that's not going to happen."

"…"

Fucker can't win.

"_Turn left on highlighted route._"

MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

05. **Haruno Sakura **←コンビニー、コンビニ！

Ramen?

No. I had that last night.

Soba?

No. I've had enough of that.

Inar- no. just. no.

Onigiri?

Hm.

… aa umeboshi!

I grabbed a pack of umeboshi and shoved it into my basket. I'm so hungry. I haven't eaten all day!

mm, what else should I get?

I walked over to the back where the cold drinks were. No calpis...

Maybe I could pick it up over at a vending machine instead. Yeah, I'll do that.

I quickly walked over and paid for my onigiri's. Its been a long time since I had them! Thanking the cashier I walked over to the magazine section. Maybe they'll have the magazine I want to read!

.. wow my life is sad.

"SHUT UP YOU MORON."

"WHATCHU CALL ME TEME?"

"I said shut u-

I turned to the disturbance on my right and met eyes with.. this guy.

this really pretty guy.

pretty guy with pretty eyes..

… with the same uniform emblem as me.

"Yo teme what's th- .. Oh."

oh and the guy hinata likes…

what's his name..

Naruto?

We both stared and stared..

and stared.

I felt my face heat up as I turned away and continued looking at my magazine.

Oh wow how interesting, 109 has a sale half price on winter socks.

"…"

Awkward.

06. **Uchiha Sasuke **←マジで。。。ー

Awkward..

I proceeded to walk into the convenient store with the dobe trailing my back. Trying to be sneaky but obviously failing.

Hn.

"Teme, its her! Its your dream girl! Its the girl you are head over heels for! The one that has proved that you're not g-

"What?"

"Nothing."

I scowled

"Just hurry up and get your damn ramen."

"Heh, fine I get it. You want some alone time with your girl. I gotcha!" as Naruto winked slyly at me and backed away slowly in this creeper like manner.

Fucking weirdo.

Why am I even best friends with him.

Fuck.

I walked over to the back to find that all the fucking clapis was gone.

This is all the fucking dobe's fault.

Turning I stopped a bit.

What the fuck.

Naruto was talking to her.

What the fuck.

Fucking idiot.

I strode over there in my usual manner and grabbed a magazine and began reading it.

"Eh? Majikayo? Sakurachan lives in this area as well? Then what are you doing in a convenient store?"

Yes dobe, we all go to the same school, so obviously we'd be in the same area.

"U-Un. But I live alone though! So I had to get some food!"

I could hear the slight fear in her voice.

.. lives alone?

Dobe's scaring her.

"Dobe, shut up and buy your ramen. You're being to loud."

Naruto whipped his head over and showed me a cheeky smile.

"I get it teme. Wanna know a secret Sakurachan, actually the te-

I whacked him in the head.

"Get your damn ramen so we can go."

"Alright, alright, I get it. God teme that hurt.." Naruto said as he stalked off to the back of the store.

I inwardly sighed as I glared at Naruto from the back. Turning back I see Sakura staring right at me.

Oh god.

"A-Anou.. Thanks.."

I smirked

"No problem. Dobe's always like that."

I hear her giggle.

"Sou? I wish I had a loud friend like that.." as she let out a twinkled laugh.

I almost blushed.

.. the fuck..

fuck.

"Hn.. They're quite troublesome sometimes though.. Sakura was it?"

… don't fucking laugh at me.

She smiled and nodded.

"Yup, I guess so and yes, Sakura and you are?"

Wait. She doesn't know me?

We have 3 fucking classes together and I'm the Uchiha Sasuke and she doesn't know me?

I can hear the dobe's words from the back of the convenient store going "wow that's a first."

Fucker.

"Uchiha. Uchiha Sasuke."

I see her eyes lit up in realization as she smiled

"Oh, Uchihasan! I think you're in several of my classes.." she said as she drifted off in thought.

"Aa, 3 actually." I replied.

wait. what.

Her eyes lit up even more as she smiled at me again.

"Sou? I really don't remember faces that well. Sorry if I'm like this."

"Hn. Doesn't matter." I replied.

She beamed at me.

"So what brings you here? Besides following Uzumakisan."

"Hn. Nothing but that, the damn dobe wanted his stupid ramen."

"I HEARD THAT" Naruto said aloud from the back.

She giggled again.

"What about you?"

"Mm, I'm actually here to pick up dinner" as she held up the clear plastic bag with onigiri inside. "I'm new to Tokyo so I don't really know much except for konbini, home and school" she replied as she laughed.

I smirked. Perfect.

"Hn, sou- "

…

"TEME, I'M DONE LET'S GO."

fucking dobe was ruining my time with her.

She turned to the back as Naruto was waving at her.

Ugh.

As she turned back to look at me I sent a glare at Naruto who was waving his cellphone at me and pointing at it relentlessly.

"…"

... Hn.

"Sakura, is it alright if we exchange mails and phone numbers? Incase you ever want to know where to eat at least you can contact somebody since you live alone." I said with a cool face.

"E-Eh? Is that really alright though…?" she replied as I saw her face go deep red like a tomato.

Heh.

"Aa, I'm cool with it." as I pulled out of my cellphone from my pocket with a light smirk.

She smiled at me.

06. **Uzumaki Naruto **←あの、てめ、本当に大丈夫かなって？

I sighed as I stood beside the teme's Ferrari.

Damn idiot better got my sign.

I mean, this was his chance.

His freaking fucking chance.

A CHANCE

A CHANCE TO GET SAKURACHAN'S MAIL AND NUMBER.

WHAT A PERFECT COINCIDENCE, I MEAN MEETING IN A CONVENIENT STORE?

HOW CONVENIENT IS THAT?

pun intended. heh.

I opened up my cellphone to look at the time.

A minute has passed since I walked out of the store.

How the fuck is the teme doing.

I wonder is he's pissing his pants now.

After all, it is his first time talking to a girl.

Besides Mikotosan.

She doesn't count.

www

I hear a ding dong sound as I see the teme walking out of the store cooly.

"WELL? WELL? DID YOU GET IT?"

"Shut up dobe, you're too fucking loud." teme replied as he unlocked the door and got it.

Fucking idiot didn't get it.

I knew he was a fucking idiot.

God, and he calls me the idiot.

BITCH PLEASE..

PLEASE.

"WHY? I GAVE A SIGN! I EVEN TOOK THE EFFORT TO REACH INTO MY POCKET TO GET MY CELL PHONE, THAT TAKES A LOT OF WORK SHOVING YOUR HAND INTO YOUR POCKET TO REACH YOUR PHONE, HOW COULD YOU HAVE N-

"I got it."

"-OT GOT THE ME-"

"…."

Wait.

What.

Did my ears deceive me?

Did that romance retard just say..

"…"

"What…?"

"Dobe, I got her mail and her number."

"…"

OH MY FUCKI- BITCH NO.

"OH MY FUCKING GOSH TEME. THIS CALLS FOR A FUCKING CELEBRATION. WHAT THE FUCK YOU'RE REALLY NOT GA-"

"What?"

"NOT SOMETHING! OH MY GOSH, I HAVE TO TELL EVERYONE. THIS IS JUST TOO GOOD I MEAN OH MY GOD. FUCK MAN."

"WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-GAOUCH!"

and he hit me on the head.

Ouch.

still though.

… HEHEHEHEHEHEHE.

FUCKYEAHUZUMAKINARUTO

_**tbc**_


End file.
